so much to do!

I have been asked if not having a *teacher* would be a detriment when I got out into the work-force, and make working with a boss difficult. Most people who asked me this seemed to think that not having a teacher to practice taking direction from would mean I wouldn't be able to work for someone else. I always laughed this off - but I've been thinking about it more and more the last few weeks and thought it deserved a little bloggy attention.

Right now, I am working very hard to get my own private practice off the ground. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist intern, and I have two locations. One is in Los Alamitos, and one is in Arcadia. I just started at the one in Arcadia. I have two supervisors - in the therapy world, a supervisor is not a boss, but as someone who is willing to put their license on the line for you, meet with you weekly, and sign your paperwork. I also have two etsy sites, where I sell my jewelry. I have a job-with-a-boss as well, but at the moment I work from home.

It only recently occurred to me that all my life I have been striving to get to a place where I am my own boss. And I've always liked the bosses I've had. I am still friends with most of them, in fact. There was only one experience that I had a boss who I thought was sabotaging me. I was not the only person to have a really terrible experience with her, and I was lucky that several months later, she ended up leaving the company. So it's not that I can't get along with someone "in charge" of me - but it's just not how I want to work, long-term.

I like the idea of working for myself and have never been afraid of the fact that when you are your own boss, you don't get 8-5 hours and then leave the work at work. I always liked to throw myself into something, and would want the thing that made me money to be included in that. I want a flexible schedule, and to be able to use all the different tools I like to work with - get to design flyers, use social media, meet with people, and do art. Working for myself means getting to do more of what I'm good at, while finding resources to help with my weaknesses. I like this idea. I like being accountable to me, and frankly, I like being in charge.

Today, however, is a day where I am trying to take deep breaths and re-focus, because I am starting to get overwhelmed. I am realizing that getting my practice up and running also means there are no limits to what I can do - so there are NO LIMITS to what I am trying to do. So it's a lot. This morning, for example, I had all my paperwork scattered over the coffee table, my phone was ringing, and I have at least 15 tabs open on the computer. If I don't reach out and market myself, I won't get clients, and I won't succeed at having a private practice. I won't get a paycheck. It won't work. I suddenly got the other side of not having a boss. It's. Up. To. Me.

I love all the side-projects that come along with this business - I love making my website, making business cards, speaking at conferences - but it takes up a lot of time, and at the moment I don't really know which things are the most effective, so I am trying them all. I stay up late at night putting together blogs and email newsletters... it sort of reminds me of when I'd stay up all night collaging my journal or making a zine. Except I'm trying to make a living at this.

I am sure there is a connection between unschooling and my desires for my career and profession. I have a lot of drive and passion - fostered by my parents and the decision to unschool. I know how I work the best, again thanks to unschooling. I have high expectations for myself and a really supportive and responsive community to work within - thanks, unschoolers. I do not think that this connection is true for all unschoolers - because I know plenty who work for other companies very happily. I just know that I want a life full of projects that I get to decide how much energy I invest. Right now I am investing a lot of energy in a lot of things. Some of the things that give me the most energy have nothing to do with making money -- like the 30 Day Challenge Group I run on facebook, working with the board of HSC on their conference and newsletter, this blog!

So that's all for this post. No huge revelation or anything - just another glimpse into who I am, and some connections to unschooling.

Do you work for yourself? What are some things you've learned along the way? If you work for someone else, any stories to share on the topic?

Heritage Arts and Why I Love These Photos

Handmade earrings, available at www.showyourcolorz.etsy.com - made by me!

a beautiful example of Sposto Photography's wedding work
Also happens to be a photo of my cousin and his new wife :)

A few days ago I had the wonderful experience of having a professional photographer take pictures of my handmade jewelry and accessories. Her name is Shauntelle, and her company is Sposto Photography. 

Although I have been following her blog and her posts on her facebook page, I was not anticipating just how beautiful the photos of my work would turn out. 

a mini-shop set up, just like I have when I sell at craft fairs and festivals

We did a little studio set up in her backyard

 along with 3 dogs and chickens... 

Bird and Zoe

That's a chicken.

I honestly walked in thinking she would take photos for about 20 minutes, and be done - since she was doing me a huge favor.

butterfly rings

But she made a list of all the types of photos she wanted to take, and spent a few hours on it. Even looking at photos on the back of her camera impressed me. 

Brand new earrings, I especially love my classic granny squares!

Crocheted bracelets

I love creating jewelry - I love creating the color combinations and the design. I think I have an eye for that type of work - which you would think would translate to photographing this work. Alas, it does not. 

Hair clips!

Watching Shaunie work was great - not only because I knew I would be getting wonderful photos from the experience, but because I learned a lot about how to create the visual I wanted. 

Big dangly heart earrings - one of my best sellers :)

She also had the equipment to really show the details - which is, of course, as the person spending hours crocheting these little details - one of the most important things. 

One of my favorite photos - simple, clean, and beautiful

She did such a good job showing every, loving stitch.

So if I haven't mentioned - go to her facebook page and click 'like' and visit her website. This is a shameless plug for Sposto Photography - because look at what she did for me. I am so amazed. 

Hey look! Those are my actual hands! Actually crocheting!

Here's a little more to why I think this is important: heritage arts are a link to our past. When I crochet, I feel connected through something really tactile to Laura Ingalls, who hated to sew sheet hems, to Anne Blythe (maiden name: Shirley) who knit 2 socks a day during WWI. When I take my crocheting out into the world, little kids come up to me every time and ask me what I'm doing. Teenagers tell me about how they used to watch their Grandmother knitting or crocheting. Everyone has a fond memory of someone in their life doing something with yarn. It's a thing that used to be a necessity, and is now an art form. I imagine it's what people who are good at gardening/farming feel like when they sit at their table and eat the food they grew - they could have bought that pasta sauce at the store, but instead they are intimately connected with the process and ingredients. It's the same for me - I am just amazed, sometimes, when I look at a bracelet or blanket that I've made that we can do that with string, with fiber from a plant or animal.

What do you do or make that makes you feel connected to your past? Tell me in the comments!

Some of my little owls - magnets and keychains

Dear Molly

Dear Molly,

Your mom told me that you wanted to try out community college in a few years. She asked me if I had any advice for you. I've been thinking, and thinking about it, and I finally decided just to write it here in a list.

1. Sit in the front of the class. This is advice college counselors will give you - apparently people who sit in the front get the best grades. People who sit in the front also get their questions answered, can hear things, are less distracted by an entire class in front of them, and it's easier to stay engaged. You can ask questions more conversationally if the teacher can hear you, as opposed to sitting far away. Some classrooms are huge - like auditoriums. Some are much smaller. I say get the best seat in the house, if you can. And be prepared for the fact that once people pick where they sit the first day, they mostly don't change it. It's a really weird phenomenon - so be aware of it, but have fun messing with it.

2. Talk to the teacher afterwards. Every teacher I have ever had was glad to talk to me about their subject after class ended. At a community college, a lot of the teacher you have will also be currently working in their field. They'll have loads of information and knowledge that there is no time to talk about in a class. Teachers are pretty limited, actually - they have to stick to getting information across to you that will come up in the tests - and tests are created using test banks that are created by the textbook publishers. So take advantage of the fact that you've got an expert sitting there every week who's just dying to impart more knowledge than what they've been told they have time for.

3. Take the classes you are interested in. I can't stress this enough. Especially if you are starting without any kind of external time pressure - if you don't want to graduate by a certain date with a certain degree, for example. Then start by taking the classes that just. sound. fun.

4. Take the classes that sound fun, but remember - college classes are academic based. Even if you are taking painting, ceramics, or automotive repair, there will be elements to the class that are textbook, test, and essay heavy. If you want to do only hands-on stuff, take classes through the city recreation program.

5. Be prepared about other students. I'm about to paint with a very broad brush here, so bear with me, understand there are exceptions, etc. Night classes have more older adults, folks who also work and are going to school to further their career, or switch careers. I found that they were my favorite. The students were more serious, more interesting, and the teachers gave far less busy work. The earlier day classes had students who were straight out of highschool, there was far more texting in class, more inane questions from the class, and was far more frustrating for me.

6. Do all the extra credit - it was always the best part. The fun little side projects. Beyond that, I always went with the philosophy that you get out of an experience what you put into it, so if I wanted to not be wasting my time... I'd do all the work to try to get out of it all I could.

7. Except, learn to prioritize - you have other things going on in your life? Remember who you are, you homeschooler, you. You get to decide. You always have options. It's easy to get caught up in wanting to have perfect scores, get the teacher to like you, look good to other students, represent homeschoolers... but you get to make choices about where you spend your time.

8. Drop classes. Seriously. You go into a class and don't like the teacher? Why waste time? Drop it. Every college calendar has a list of dates - dates you can drop classes before you'll get a "W" (supposedly a bad mark on your transcripts, but I've never heard of it reallllly making a difference in getting a job later on, or admittance to a university, which is all your transcripts will really be used for in the future), get your money back, or get a failing grade. It might cost you to drop it, so you have to weigh how much your future time is worth to you. As far as the grade goes - if you get below a D, you can always re-take the course to re-write that grade. And you can take it with a different teacher... Teachers get burned out teaching the same way students get burned out taking classes. Sometimes a lot worse - because the students move on to other classes, and the teachers stay, and teach the same class, over and over... Some teachers focus on tests, others focus on essays. You can be choosy. There are also a lot of community colleges (in CA at least), so even if there's only on teacher doing that thing at the closest location, there will be others.

9. Stick with the good teachers. If you find a teacher you like, take as much as you can from them. I really, truly think that the best thing I got from most of my college experience were the connections. Once I took a communication class and liked the teacher and ended up on the speech and debate team (which she coached) for two years, made friends, won trophies, practiced public speaking... I liked an English teacher I had so I took all the classes I could from him, including my first formal poetry class, which I dropped (due to not wanting to listen to other people's poetry) but I loved the textbook and it's on my bookshelf right now, and I read it all the time. I have so many stories like this. There are too many tired or bad teachers out there - keep the good ones!

10. Go on all the field trips - you'll get entrance to things cheaper than you can when you're not a student or with a group, like art museums and aquariums. You'll be exposed to stuff you would not have been before, and your teacher told you to go there for a reason - they find value in that place. So go, and then talk to your teacher about it later.

11. Figure out how you like to be organized. I messed with so many different calendars and organizational techniques for tracking classes and assignments. I learned a lot from that. Figure out what works for you, and you'll create a system that'll work for the rest of your life. I know I like pen to paper calendar, and I use sticky notes for lists. Other people use their google calendars. Whatever works for you.

12. Don't be alone on a college campus after dark. Make friends with the moms in the classes, they'll sit with you while you wait to be picked up.

13. Go to shows on campus. Cheap theater tickets, lots of fun. Also there will be art shows, museum openings, sports games, 5k's, fundraisers...

14. Even if you don't buy food there, most college cafe-type-things will have microwaves you can use. Different buildings will have really different vibes - some will have couches, good places to sit and read...

15. Be prepared for the "so are you some sort of genius, or something?" weirdly shaped question. You're young, and you look young, and people aren't afraid of pointing that out. I think lighthearted answers are better for getting out of it, but it's up to you.

16. Be more prepared for the weirdness that happens when you are suddenly the same age as everyone else and no one is asking you that question. It's a weird thing not to stand out, and to get to decide on your own if you want to talk about homeschooling or not.

17. Sell back your textbooks, except for the anthologies of creative writing. First off, they are heavy and take up a lot of space. Second off, information changes really fast these days. So much from my old textbooks isn't even TRUE anymore (anyone heard from Pluto, lately?). Third, what do those textbooks have that you can't find by googling? The creative writing books, however, I kept. I suppose I could also google those poets and authors, but I love having them on my shelves. Your thing might not be poetry.. but having met you, I don't think I'm leading you astray with this one.

18. Think about your life when you decide to sign up for classes. Remember it'll be 16-18 weeks of your life in a ROW. So do you really want to wake up at 8am 4 days a week? Do you really want to have to be on campus 5 days in a row? Think about the times of day you feel the most productive - do you want those hours to be taken up in a classroom? It's good to know these things about yourself and make decisions revolving around them. There will be times when you decide that the class is worth a sacrifice, such as that awesome, awesome printmaking class that you're dying to take but is all day Friday, and it might mean missing Girl Scouts this semester.

19. Tests. People always ask me if I felt like I was prepared for testing. I never understood what the big fuss was about. If you are unclear about the format of a test or what is going to be on it, or what materials you'll need - ask the teacher ahead of time. Even if it seems like you should know it - if you are wondering, other people in the class are wondering too. Scantrons (fill in the bubble tests) are pencils only, which drove me crazy, because I hate writing in pencil. A very small percentage of my classes used scantron tests, actually. The first test of any class will be the most nervewracking, because you don't know what the teacher is really like, yet. Some teachers will have weird ways of wording things.. little quirks that you'll figure out before the 2nd test. I am really sensitive to noises, like chewing or pen-clicking. That's hard for me, during tests - because it suddenly gets quiet and all I can hear are those other little noises. I combat that by chewing gum myself - somehow that helps. What else.. uhm, if you're sick, bring tissues, because you'll be looking down and gravity... you get it. The technique that always worked for me was to go through the test and fill out all the questions I was 100% sure about, and then go back and think about the others. Sometimes wording in later questions will remind you of an answer. I'm a fast test taker, I figure if I don't know it right away I am not going to remember it if I sit there for another half an hour. But you'll have to figure yourself out on that one.

20. Essay tests - teachers may give you paper, or ask you to use a blue book. I always, always ask if I can use a scrap piece of paper to write an outline first. Then I'd do bullet points on the outline, so I make sure I include everything I want to.



Well, Molly, I hope this helps. 20 pieces of random advice about going to a community college. If you have any other questions, let me know. I was 13 when I started, and transferred to CSULB when I was 20. I graduated, then went back for my Master's. I've got a lot of years of college advice in me!

--Roya

I hope I stay idealistic

the cover of one of my blogs...late teens, I believe

I remember sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor - a dirty orange carpet with paint and ink stains, leftover from the '70s - with paper all around me. I'm not talking about one or two pieces of paper, I am talking about a thick mat of paper and paper scraps radiating out from where I was sitting in the center, scissors and magazines and photographs too. My back hurt from bending over my project. My legs were asleep from sitting there for so long. My eyelids heavy. The smell of rubber cement not even registering, anymore. It was about 4 in the morning - I had been sitting there since about noon, maybe earlier. I was working on a zine - a collection of writing, poetry, collage and photography that I would photocopy and mail out later. A zine was a one-sitting project for me, and later I could look at those folded pages and be transported to right there, that moment. It was an exhausting and exhaustive all-or-nothing project. Something that poured out of me, that sometimes I had to pull out, cut out, and glue back together. The later (or earlier) it got, the more haphazard my gluing became, the looser and more wild the content. Later, when I'd look back at it, these would be some of my favorite pages - the subconscious coming forward while my inner editor was asleep.

I remember this one night in particular, because somewhere around 4 in the morning my bedroom door creaked open, and my mom's face peeked in - squinty eyed with sleepiness. She smiled at me, sitting in that hurricane of a bedroom, and closed the door again. Ani Difranco played on in my CD player, and I went back to my zine.

the cover of one of my journals

Such a simple little moment. And moments like that happened so many times. I didn't think much of it then - at some point when I was finished I would groan as I stood up, dusting p
aper bits off my pants and hands, peel the rubber cement from my fingers, turn off the light and go to bed. I'd wake up late the next day to my newly birthed zine. I did this a lot. Nothing new, nothing special. Roya making something in her room, that's all.

Looking back on it, though, I think how special it really was. To have parents that understood what was happening during the night doing one thing for hours. To have parents who did not insist that I had stayed inside or sat still for too long, and made me go outside or change what I was doing. To have a mom who came to check on me and see if I was still up - not to interfere or judge, but to peek in on me, smile sweetly, and go back to bed, happy that I was happy. I remember that same day, hours earlier, she had peeked in and brought me a plate of apples with some peanut butter.

It matters - those moments. All those little moments, those sweet details of knowing that my parents are on my side. They add up to this - this larger philosophy of parenting and relationships and education. But the way I experienced it as their child was like this - a plate of apples, a smile at 4am from my mom, and working for hours on my zine.

Your turn. I'm sure you've had a moment or two like this with your kids today. Tell me about it in the comments?

Have you seen this boy?

Seen on the corner of Vermont st. Love my neighborhood!!

earrings!

I love crocheting. I've been crocheting since I was about 8 years old. I wish I could remember how I started - maybe my mom remembers. 

I call these my "unschooling mama" earrings

But I don't remember the learning process, I don't remember the person who I first saw doing it, I don't remember falling in love with yarn.

Emerald is going to be a color of 2013. Apparently.

 I remember many living history events where I would plant myself next to the woman carding wool, or using a spinning wheel - and just watch and watch and watch. I remember making friendship bracelets for the kids on my swim teams and girl scout troops. 

I started selling my handmade crocheted jewelry at a few craft fairs and at royaboya.etsy.com and showyourcolorz.etsy.com - and then ignored it for a little while.

 I've recently decided to devote more time to it - and have been really enjoying the process. 

Bold, geometric shapes! Also in.

I've consulted with a few people who are successful on etsy, and realized that one of the most important things I need to do is to improve the photographs of my items.

I just make color combinations that make me happppyyy

I'd been using my smart phone to take all the pictures - I have it on me, it's easy to upload, and didn't really think that the quality of photo was that much different.

Today, though, I got out the Canon PowerShot A480 that I bought my husband a few years ago, and decided to give it a try. I used different layers of curtains to diffuse the light to try to minimize shadow and glare - and I was more or less successful.

I only had time to do a handful of earrings that I made this week - my goal is to get a good photo-taking set up, so that it's easy to stick a pair of earrings in and snap a few photos every day - take advantage of when the light is right, and it's not a huge production every time.

Another thing that I never really thought that much about were fashion trends. I've always been sort of oblivious - at some point I realized owls were in. Then I noticed that people are wearing a ton of neon. 

bright, sunshiney, spring and summer colors

But when you make fashion accessories, it's sort of important that you are aware of these trends at the beginning of their appearance, if not before. 

It also never really clicked for me that there are people out there who are making these decisions -and putting them down on paper, in blogs, and magazines. The information is there for the having. 

dealing with judgment

Someone who reads this blog asked me..
"If I say that I homeschooled my daughter, then I feel that they immediately judge her, not me. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel that it's her right to present herself to people however she likes. For that reason, I don't usually bring up homeschooling with strangers. What do you think about this?"


My response:

It's really sweet and conscientious of you to try to let your daughter have some measure of control over who judges her. Growing up with my mom being the very vocal advocate for homeschooling that she was - in some cases, I did not have that option. Over the course of my life, I've gone back and forth about when I tell people what -- sometimes it's frustrating to have that hurdle to overcome everrry sinngggle tiiime I want to talk to someone...

There were also times of my life where I felt like representing homeschooling and talking about homeschooling was kind of my - greater purpose. So I did it, a lot. I wore the homeschooler badge in flashing neon on my head. I think what I've come down to now, though - is usually waiting a while. I don't shake someone's hand and say, "hello, I'm Roya the homeschooler ask me how" anymore. It's out there - in my bio's and blogs, and things. People can find it out pretty easily.

But I do not like feeling like I am held hostage by someone else wanting to talk about homeschooling if I don't feel like it. So I've gotten better at disengaging. I've gotten better at deciding if I have the energy right now. I've gotten better at saying "I'd love to talk to you more about it, but maybe we can arrange to do that later?" [edit: I would add that if you are worried about your children being in this position, talk to them about it before it happens. Chances are, I bet it's a much bigger deal to you than it is to them. If they are concerned, practice some of the phrases they can use to disengage. Prepare for situations where you think it's likely to happen. Be their advocate - step in and tell the other person that they don't want to have to talk about that here and now, if it does happen.]

I know my mom would never walk up to - say, our swim team and say "oh guess what girls, your friend Roya is a homeschooler" -- but neither did we try very hard not to talk about it. So, with some mishaps (although not that many, considering, and nothing irreparable) I figured it out.